kukkijar | Luke fon Fabre; Appointments

Luke fon Fabre; Appointments

~*~

Used for one-on-one conversations/meetings, messages, gifts, or any back-tagging. I hope to use this way more than I probably should. B)

Please put whether it's [Voice] [Written] or [Action] in the subject line as well as the date!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[After this unpleasant little ragequit, Asch needed several hours not only to cool down, but to give a fair bit of thought to how he really felt about the situation. While it's true that Luke did something supremely stupid, and it's going to take a lot more than the replica's apologies to make Asch feel like any less of a publicly humiliated fool, he can also recognize the fact that it's pretty unlikely that Luke was actively trying to be malicious about it. He would never admit to overreacting, but... well, maybe he's pushing it a little.

...Not to mention that he can't just hide outside all day- bad enough that he's left the apartment only to realize he'd stormed out in a bathrobe. That certainly hadn't improved his mood any, though it had given him a reasonable distraction by sending him out on an emergency trip to the clothing shop.

Now, hours later, with a bathrobe slung over his arm and a new outfit on, he returns to the apartment, entering the room quietly without announcing himself. He glances around, checking for three things in particular: one, the replica, obviously, two, the pets, and three, whether or not the mess had been cleaned yet.]

[Luke himself had taken that time to think and cool off, too, and come up with a few ideas. Some hadn't worked, but one or two seemed pretty good. Luke can never really apologize enough, so... maybe he could do something else. Hence, that's why he holds something in his hand, staring down at it in thought, while something new adorns his neck. ... Ah, he can't help itching at it with his other hand. He's never worn a necklace for a long period of time.

When Asch arrives, he'll find that the bloody spots on the floor are mostly gone - the smaller drops are, at least, while the bigger areas have towels over them. The cleaner Luke used is still soaking for those, and he's just giving them a bit of time.

Tsuae lets out a meow near Luke's room to indicate Asch's arrival, which makes Luke look up and notice Asch. He closes his fist around the object and stares with wide eyes - he hadn't expected Asch to be back yet. Or maybe he's just kind of scared. Hesitant, nervous.

Whatever it is, it still doesn't stop him from just looking... sad, then standing up and heading over, not really caring what Asch would say to this, to wrap his arms tight around Asch in a hug. Welcome back. He's so happy to see you...]

[As soon as Luke approaches him, Asch braces himself for another apology session, which fills him with preemptive anger; hadn't he already made it clear that his apologies meant nothing!? There's a reproach and an angry dismissal already on his lips as Luke draws closer.

And then Luke doesn't say anything. Then Luke hugs him.

Asch goes still. His eyes widen, his hand going slack, the bathrobe dropping to the floor from limp fingers. He... hadn't expected that. Not at all.

At least half of his instincts are telling him to shove Luke away - what the hell, they don't hug, and this can't make things better - but he's surprised by the other half's reluctance to do so. It leaves him in the awkward position of wanting to beat his replica senseless and then hold him and never let go.

...Strange.

It takes a moment - a few moments, a while, even - but Asch's now-empty hand slowly lifts, hovering over the small of Luke's back for a moment before touching it, ever-so-lightly. He's here. He's back. It's not a return hug, not by a long shot, but even so.]

[Even so.

Luke had held on all that time, face to his shoulder and fingers pressing lightly against his shoulder blades; He meant for it to stay short, but once he held on, Luke found that he couldn't let go. Then he feels that hand against his back, which only makes him open his eyes a little before shutting them again.

He told Asch once that he'd follow him anywhere if it meant finding him. Luke still meant that: to the ends of the earth, to hell and back. Even through something like emotional turmoil.

It's good to see Asch didn't disappear on him.

Finally, Luke loosens his hold and pulls back. He would keep his hands on Asch's shoulders, but... ahaha. Luke feels lucky he got away with a hug.]

I made supper. [And quickly - ] It actually tastes good this time, don't worry.

[... And now for the heart of the matter. Luke ducks his head to look down at his hand, which shows the string of what's in it hanging out of the sides.]

... I wanted to talk to you about something, too.

Edited 2012-02-07 11:50 (UTC)

[Asch can't bring himself to meet Luke's eyes at first; a combination of nerves, embarrassment, and... shame, almost? Maybe. It's probably hard to tell exactly what it is. He doesn't respond to the dinner part - doesn't even scoff, shockingly, and it's only when Luke looks down that Asch lifts his head to focus on his replica. He'd seen the string earlier, of course, but it hadn't even registered as more than a blip on the map yet.]

...What is it?

[His voice is cautious, uncertain of what that even means. Talks are serious. Talks are dangerous. Talks mean that... something needs to change.

He'd hit Luke with a door for playing a stupid prank. He is fairly sure he knows what needs to be changed here. He's also pretty sure of the likelihood of that not changing.

This... isn't healthy. None of it is. And it took him three years of 'unhealthy' with Guy to even be able to recognize that. He'd had to leave last time to get away from it, and then it had been all over, everything had been over.

Luke should leave. For his sake, for both of their sakes, Luke should leave. And it's on the tip of his tongue, the very edge of being said, and even Asch himself doesn't realize that what's holding it back is sheer, unbridled terror of what saying it would mean for them both. Of what would happen. Of... what he wants to not happen.

...don't leave. Don't leave...

Because everyone leaves. Everyone leaves him. And maybe a bit of that fear is creeping into his expression.

Don't leave me.]

[Luke's still got his head lowered, so he can't see Asch's expression. What he's about to say is... risky. It's stupid and sentimental and in some way, it's like a promise. Luke holds to promises tightly, while Asch hates the thought of them. He's not sure what this will do to the situation at hand, if it'll make it worse or better.

The last thing he wants to do is drive Asch away again, this time for good... He's such a stupid replica that it seems like almost anything he does is an insult to Asch.

... Heh. He hasn't thought that in a long time.

But he can't just keep standing there. He can't just dismiss this whole thing. This is important to him, and the message he wants to get across is something he truly wants Asch to know, regardless of whether he wants to hear it or not. So, Luke shuts his eyes and raises his hand up to touch what's around his neck. It's a small, golden necklace, one that he's never worn before all this.]

I'm not leaving you. I'm not going to leave you. I don't know what you think I... think of you. But it's nothing like a joke, or anything stupid like that. You're way more important to me than that, Asch. I'm not sure if you actually realize that or not.

[One side of his lips quirks up because god, this is sounding sappier and sappier and Luke really didn't mean to say it all like this. The way he practiced it in his head didn't sound like this. But he doesn't care; it's all spilling out and there's no stopping it.

He opens his eyes to look at Asch as he maneuvers his hand to hold that charm on his neck between his thumb and fingers.]

That's why I'm wearing this, and why I'm going to keep wearing it. Even if we're separated, or even if we're living away from each other someday, I'm going to keep wearing it. I'm not leaving you... And this is my way of showing you that.

[Finally, he turns the hand at his side up and opens his fist, revealing that same necklace, only silver in color.]

... This one's for you. You don't have to wear it. [Quite frankly, Luke doesn't expect him to.] But I... I want this to be something that's between us. No matter how far we go or whatever happens, we're not leaving each other.

[... Luke glances off to the side. He just hopes and prays that Asch won't shove him away and call this a stupid, stupid idea. He isn't sure how he'd handle that.]

That's... all I have to say.

[Asch is silent again, and for longer this time, but his surprise - shock, even - is much more obviously shown on his face. He'd expected... well, not that. It's difficult to turn one's expectations around so drastically, so for a moment his mind is too shellshocked to really register anything. His mind has been so busy thinking, desperately thinking, don't leave don't leave that to hear it...

...not... leaving...?

But everyone leaves. Everyone leaves him! He can't keep anything, anyone, because they're not his. It's never his. It's all taken away.

"I'm not leaving you."

It's... laughable, really. That sort of proclaimation. No one can justifiably say that in Luceti. Asch could wake up tomorrow and find Luke gone. Guy had told him that he wouldn't go back to Auldrant without him, after all, and look what's happened?

And while it's true that it's not a promise, it's still... it's something, and...]

You... you stupid-

[His voice is kind of pathetic, so he cuts himself off; he hates to sound so weak, so unsure. Is he really so shaken by such a small thing!?]

...Stupid... why the hell would you...

[Why would you expect me to accept something like this? Why would you think I'd appreciate this? Why would you say any of that?

Why would you stay with someone like me!?

It hurts. It hurts and it burns in his chest and he hates it. But he can't take his eyes off the necklace in Luke's hand.]

[The hand on Luke's necklace lowers, and the one holding Asch's briefly does, just slightly, as well. The shove didn't come, but it was still a stupid idea. Of course... Of course Asch wouldn't see the importance of it. It seems like they have such different views of everything that...

Then he sees Asch's face, hears that weakness in his voice, notices how he's staring at the necklace.

... Now Luke sees why Asch is acting like this. He raises the necklace up again as he speaks.]

Maybe I am stupid for doing this. Maybe this is a stupid idea.

[Guy left. Yuri left for a while, and Sanji too. Xion might even leave. Everyone leaves... And Asch has already lost so much. Losing his friends and the people he loves can't have been good for him. And while Luke knows this, while he knows that this idea is probably stupid, he still holds the necklace out. He still talks, still stands by what he said earlier.]

I can't control what Luceti does to us... Just like how no one can control when they die. [Score or no Score.] But for as long as I'm here, I'm not going to leave you. Even if I spend the rest of my life here, I'll keep wearing this. And if I go back... I'll come back for you. I told you I'd follow you anywhere, right?

[He touches his own necklace again.] This is my way of showing that, to you and everyone else... Since I can't say it enough.

[Asch is trying, trying so hard not to shake or let his emotions show; more than anything else, he fears what might happen if he reveals himself. But his hand is already half-lifting, almost against his will, stretching out towards the necklace in Luke's hand before he can force himself to stop. He can't... he can't rely on this. He can't. He'd allowed himself to rely on Guy's presence in Luceti, to lean on that ever-present pillar of strength and stability. He'd let himself need it, just as he had done after his replication, when Van was all he'd had left. Needing others... it created that weakness, that lack of self and a dangerously blind faith.

He can't. He can't.

"And you- you accomplish nothing by removing yourself from everyone. You run because it's easier, because you know how to be alone and even if you hate it, it's what you can do. You hide yourself away because it's comfortable, even if it hurts. But you also know what it's like to support people and be supported, and I know you. If you remove yourself from that you'll wither away."

He knows it. He knows. And Guy had known it, too, somehow. That same way he'd always known the things Asch hadn't wanted him to.

He's hurting. He's withering. And this offer of Luke's is breaking something he'd been building up for almost a year now- since Guy went back. Maybe since before then.

Since everything went wrong between them. Since a part of him-

...since a part of him withered.]

[Something wet hits his hand - the one partly outstretched, the one frozen in mid-air between them, and it's only when he looks down at his fingers does he realize he's crying.

He doesn't cry. He doesn't. He didn't cry when Guy left, hasn't cried since then. Never cried for that loss.

Asch lifts his hand, watching it shake, staring at the wetness glistening in the pale light of the apartment, like it's something completely alien to him. He can't remember the last time he cried. This just isn't supposed to happen.

Stupid replica... ruining everything again. A faint, choked noise escapes his throat, and he can't tell if it's a sob or a laugh. At this point it could go either way. He'd been offered everything and nothing all at once- a vow without guarantee, a promise that wasn't a promise at all, a futile wish for a future that can't ever be. A way of proving that no matter what, neither of them will ever truly be alone.

What a foolish thing to cry about.]

Asch...

[Luke has never seen Asch cry before. Even when he finally found him after Guy left, he hadn't cried. Even after Stella left, he hadn't cried. But now... he is. Luke is almost tempted to pull the necklace back, take off his own, apologize and go back to his room, pretend it never happened. Pretend he never saw Asch shed any tears. Honestly, seeing him like this is making a wet, stinging sensation show itself in his eyes, too.

But no. Luke's come this far, and he means every word he says. Even if there is no guarantee behind his vow, he still wants to do everything in his power to make sure he keeps it.

He doesn't hug Asch again; an action like that doesn't seem right. Instead, he reaches his free hand up to hold the back of Asch's neck, and he... doesn't really touch foreheads with him, but he seems close to it, and he shuts his eyes.

Asch has lost so much... Luke wants to make sure that he is one thing his original will never lose, and ensure that no matter what happens, no matter the pain or how far they are, they'll never really be alone.]

Edited 2012-02-10 06:56 (UTC)

[Luke's touch makes Asch shudder, briefly, and he quietly tolerates the contact for a long moment. After the moment passes, almost unconsciously, he does lean in to rest his head against Luke's, swallowing hard and just... lets go. Lets it all go. The grief, and the loneliness, and the pain he's carried for a long, long time. He bows his head and he lets himself grieve for himself, for the pathetic life he's lived all these years.

It's not loud, or even particularly long, though god knows he could probably cry at the top of his lungs for several hours straight and it still won't be his fair share. But it's more than he's ever allowed himself, and certainly more than he'd ever have shown Luke under normal circumstances. Before too long he realizes it's too much, and somehow - by some miracle of self control and sheer willpower - he makes himself stop. He lifts his head, opens his eyes, and there's a strange calm settling over his expression. He's alright. He always has to be alright.

But... somewhere in the middle of that strange, inexplicable need to weep over the unfairness of life, his hand had lifted enough to close over Luke's- fingers curling around the string of the necklace he carried.

I'm not leaving either.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Luke fon Fabre; Appointments

[Action, January 15th]

[Action, January 15th]

[Action, January 15th]

[Action, January 15th]

[Action, January 15th]

[Action, January 15th]

[Action, January 15th]

[Action, January 15th]

[Action, January 15th] 1/2

[Action, January 15th]

[Action, January 15th]

[Action, January 15th]