kukkijar | Luke fon Fabre; Appointments

Luke fon Fabre; Appointments

~*~

Used for one-on-one conversations/meetings, messages, gifts, or any back-tagging. I hope to use this way more than I probably should. B)

Please put whether it's [Voice] [Written] or [Action] in the subject line as well as the date!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[The hand on Luke's necklace lowers, and the one holding Asch's briefly does, just slightly, as well. The shove didn't come, but it was still a stupid idea. Of course... Of course Asch wouldn't see the importance of it. It seems like they have such different views of everything that...

Then he sees Asch's face, hears that weakness in his voice, notices how he's staring at the necklace.

... Now Luke sees why Asch is acting like this. He raises the necklace up again as he speaks.]

Maybe I am stupid for doing this. Maybe this is a stupid idea.

[Guy left. Yuri left for a while, and Sanji too. Xion might even leave. Everyone leaves... And Asch has already lost so much. Losing his friends and the people he loves can't have been good for him. And while Luke knows this, while he knows that this idea is probably stupid, he still holds the necklace out. He still talks, still stands by what he said earlier.]

I can't control what Luceti does to us... Just like how no one can control when they die. [Score or no Score.] But for as long as I'm here, I'm not going to leave you. Even if I spend the rest of my life here, I'll keep wearing this. And if I go back... I'll come back for you. I told you I'd follow you anywhere, right?

[He touches his own necklace again.] This is my way of showing that, to you and everyone else... Since I can't say it enough.

[Asch is trying, trying so hard not to shake or let his emotions show; more than anything else, he fears what might happen if he reveals himself. But his hand is already half-lifting, almost against his will, stretching out towards the necklace in Luke's hand before he can force himself to stop. He can't... he can't rely on this. He can't. He'd allowed himself to rely on Guy's presence in Luceti, to lean on that ever-present pillar of strength and stability. He'd let himself need it, just as he had done after his replication, when Van was all he'd had left. Needing others... it created that weakness, that lack of self and a dangerously blind faith.

He can't. He can't.

"And you- you accomplish nothing by removing yourself from everyone. You run because it's easier, because you know how to be alone and even if you hate it, it's what you can do. You hide yourself away because it's comfortable, even if it hurts. But you also know what it's like to support people and be supported, and I know you. If you remove yourself from that you'll wither away."

He knows it. He knows. And Guy had known it, too, somehow. That same way he'd always known the things Asch hadn't wanted him to.

He's hurting. He's withering. And this offer of Luke's is breaking something he'd been building up for almost a year now- since Guy went back. Maybe since before then.

Since everything went wrong between them. Since a part of him-

...since a part of him withered.]

[Something wet hits his hand - the one partly outstretched, the one frozen in mid-air between them, and it's only when he looks down at his fingers does he realize he's crying.

He doesn't cry. He doesn't. He didn't cry when Guy left, hasn't cried since then. Never cried for that loss.

Asch lifts his hand, watching it shake, staring at the wetness glistening in the pale light of the apartment, like it's something completely alien to him. He can't remember the last time he cried. This just isn't supposed to happen.

Stupid replica... ruining everything again. A faint, choked noise escapes his throat, and he can't tell if it's a sob or a laugh. At this point it could go either way. He'd been offered everything and nothing all at once- a vow without guarantee, a promise that wasn't a promise at all, a futile wish for a future that can't ever be. A way of proving that no matter what, neither of them will ever truly be alone.

What a foolish thing to cry about.]

Asch...

[Luke has never seen Asch cry before. Even when he finally found him after Guy left, he hadn't cried. Even after Stella left, he hadn't cried. But now... he is. Luke is almost tempted to pull the necklace back, take off his own, apologize and go back to his room, pretend it never happened. Pretend he never saw Asch shed any tears. Honestly, seeing him like this is making a wet, stinging sensation show itself in his eyes, too.

But no. Luke's come this far, and he means every word he says. Even if there is no guarantee behind his vow, he still wants to do everything in his power to make sure he keeps it.

He doesn't hug Asch again; an action like that doesn't seem right. Instead, he reaches his free hand up to hold the back of Asch's neck, and he... doesn't really touch foreheads with him, but he seems close to it, and he shuts his eyes.

Asch has lost so much... Luke wants to make sure that he is one thing his original will never lose, and ensure that no matter what happens, no matter the pain or how far they are, they'll never really be alone.]

Edited 2012-02-10 06:56 (UTC)

[Luke's touch makes Asch shudder, briefly, and he quietly tolerates the contact for a long moment. After the moment passes, almost unconsciously, he does lean in to rest his head against Luke's, swallowing hard and just... lets go. Lets it all go. The grief, and the loneliness, and the pain he's carried for a long, long time. He bows his head and he lets himself grieve for himself, for the pathetic life he's lived all these years.

It's not loud, or even particularly long, though god knows he could probably cry at the top of his lungs for several hours straight and it still won't be his fair share. But it's more than he's ever allowed himself, and certainly more than he'd ever have shown Luke under normal circumstances. Before too long he realizes it's too much, and somehow - by some miracle of self control and sheer willpower - he makes himself stop. He lifts his head, opens his eyes, and there's a strange calm settling over his expression. He's alright. He always has to be alright.

But... somewhere in the middle of that strange, inexplicable need to weep over the unfairness of life, his hand had lifted enough to close over Luke's- fingers curling around the string of the necklace he carried.

I'm not leaving either.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Luke fon Fabre; Appointments

[Action, January 15th]

[Action, January 15th] 1/2

[Action, January 15th]

[Action, January 15th]

[Action, January 15th]