kukkijar | Teddy Altman ; APPOINTMENTS

Teddy Altman ; APPOINTMENTS

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[He could do more, he knows. If he was really committed to this, to making sure that it never happened again. He could do a few missions, rack up some points, get one of those collars. No more magic, ever again. He could talk freely without fear, ramble as much as he (or Teddy, more importantly) wanted.

His hand lifts unconsciously to his neck, to the burns it had left behind last time. He imagined wearing it again, looking at it every day, every time he saw himself in the mirror, remembering the pain it had caused, and how it had prevented him from helping Teddy while he'd been tortured. How he'd... died, or at least almost died. How Teddy'd had to watch.

And then it broke. They used that thing on me and it broke. It didn't make a difference at all.

The collar wasn't an option. And he thought back to much sooner than that, to the last time he'd willingly cast a spell. Right before that stupid Malnosso theme park, he'd used magic on the droids trying to attack he and Teddy. He'd... used magic to help, to save someone, and Teddy had been okay with it. Even so soon after the whole mess, even without the resolution and reassurance they'd gained with each other a few days later.

...'A few days later'... when he'd finally broken free.

That's what Teddy's trying to say, isn't it? That maybe he needs this option. That maybe if he keeps doing this to himself, he won't be able to fight at all. That maybe... this isn't the right choice.

There's no 'maybe' for him. He understands. As much as he can, as different as our powers are, he understands.

And if it happened again, if Teddy was getting hurt, I... wouldn't hesitate.

I need to be ready for that...

He mulls it over for a while, and finally, after the longest hesitation yet, he murmurs a reply, shoulders hunched.]

...I don't... know if I'm ready. To do all that.

[....yet...?]

[The last thing Teddy wants is to force Billy to do something he doesn't want to do, but he feels like enough is enough, and this is what Billy needs to do. The Malnosso know he has that power now, and just because he doesn't use it doesn't mean it isn't there anymore. He could be taken advantage of and not be able to defend himself, and Teddy might not be able to protect him, just like... last time.

Their powers are not the same, but their situation is similar; if Teddy never got off the bed, never learned how to control his strength as best as he could, then where would he be today? Causing careless mistakes, no doubt. Hurting much more than he ever did. His nightmares wouldn't just consist of a kid's scream and bones breaking in his hands. And he'd never be able to trust himself around anything or anyone again. He'd never want Billy to feel that way, not ever. And so he hopes, hopes to God that Billy understands.

It takes a long moment, but Billy finally hunches his shoulders and responds. At first, Teddy feels a little disappointed. But he spends another moment to go over that in his head, to analyze Billy's posture and tone.

He doesn't know if he's ready. It's not an "I'm not ready", he just doesn't know. And... there's an unspoken "yet" at the end. Teddy's sure of it.

So his smile comes up again, thumb stroking along Billy's jawline.]

Whenever you feel like you are. I'm here.

[He leans in to give Billy a tender kiss on his forehead, the rest of what he wants to say remaining unspoken. And even if you aren't, I'm here. And I'll love you either way.]

[Billy had half-expected another disagreement, at the very least, so Teddy's response is a relief, and it shows in his posture as the words sink in. He smiles faintly, shifting his hand from his neck to cover Teddy's at his jaw.]

...Because you love me?

[That, at least, isn't hard to believe - that Teddy loves him, why he does - even if Billy still struggles with his own feelings of self-worth. It's barely even a question.

He just really likes hearing Teddy say it. And... right now, he kind of wants it, and asking is his way of showing that he's... letting himself want it, a bit.]

[Teddy smiles against Billy's forehead, then leans back, one hand moving up to join the other in cupping his boyfriend's jaw.]

Because I love you.

[God, they're sickening.

But it's so easy that Billy wants to hear it - needs to hear it, and Teddy can't deny him when he's letting himself want it. Not to mention that Teddy loves to say it anyway, like he can't get enough of the word.]

[Billy hums a quiet, grateful response, momentarily tilting his head into the touch before caving to his impulse, pressing his body close to hug the other boy. He needs this reassurance, and now, holding him like this, Billy figures that Teddy needs it, too. It can't have been easy for him to confront him about this.]

I love you, too. ...And... thank you.

[Thank you for being patience with me.

Thank you for caring enough to try.

Thank you for not getting angry when I didn't say I could do it.

Thank you... for loving me when I can't, yet.]

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Teddy Altman ; APPOINTMENTS

[action, february 1st]

[action, february 1st]

[action, february 1st]

[action, february 1st]

[action, february 1st]