kukkijar | and you were there all along

and you were there all along

Who: Guy and Luke
What: Of missing letters and epic adventures
Universe: Tales of the Abyss, slight tweak of an AU

It's not like Luke wanted to waste his life away in the manor, hardly getting out of bed or touching his food. It's not like he enjoyed the person he became - or the person he was, or... anything about himself. It was just... hard to get up and face the day when he didn't have the energy, didn't have the will. Why get up when no one wanted you there anyway? Most of the maids were scared of him, half of the knights were the same way, or just found him disgusting. A few of them were loyal and made sure to let him know that, and they were one of the reasons he could pull himself out of bed even on his bad days (which was turning out to be every day).

But even his friends... they said they'd write to him, and then they never did. It was like they'd forgotten all about him, or didn't want to talk to him, or... every time he thought about it, the reasons for why he never got any sort of contact from them just got worse and worse in his head. It was enough to make him run his hands through his hair wildly and turn from side to side on the bed, hating the ugly thoughts his mind would provide.

It was on one such time that Luke heard a knock on his door - quietly, as if the person who knocked didn't want him to hear. For a second, Luke battled with himself, torn between ignoring the knock or opening the door. He hated to see the way the maids would look at him when he answered the door, but this could be important. Well, important enough for someone like him...

When he opened the door, he was surprised to find one of the knights. They usually didn't come to his door... The knight bowed quickly as he asked, "Master Luke, may I come in for a moment?"

"Uh, sure..." It's all Luke could think of as he stepped back and opened the door further, allowing the knight inside. The poor guy looked nervous, even underneath all his armor... Even inside Luke's room, the knight looked around as if to see if anyone was watching him, then started to shift, removing his gloves enough to reach inside his chest plate.

"Master Luke, I beg you to not tell your father of this. He'd fire me before I could get a word in..." Luke opened his mouth to say something, but the knight kept going, making him shut his mouth and allow him to continue. "They didn't want you interacting with your companions, so they've been hiding the letters they sent from you. I did manage to take one from them; it's from Guy Cecil, the... former servant."

The knight held said letter out for him, but Luke was caught with his mouth gaping open a bit. They - what? They were doing what? Hiding the letters, how many were there, why were they doing that -

"I just couldn't stand to see you looking so miserable. Please take it, Master Luke." And even though Luke still hadn't moved to take it, he set it on the nightstand for him to look at later. With a clink of his heels, a hand across his chest and another bow, the knight equiped his gloves and moved for the door. "I must return to my duties before anyone sees me. If I may have my leave?"

"Oh, uh - Y-Yeah, yeah, dis - ... yeah. Thank you." That man was so going to get a raise, one way or another. The knight left, and finally, Luke sat heavily on the bed, staring at the letter on the nightstand. It was addressed to him and everything, Luke fon Fabre, with Guy's name in the corner... All this time, they'd been sending him letters, only for him to never receive them? That was... It made him run his hands through his hair again, frustrated, angry at everyone who did this, at his life, at everything.

It was enough that he grabbed the letter, threw on his vest, and the next thing he knew, he was on the next ferry to Grand Chokmah. It had all been a blur, him storming out while yelling at his father, his voice softening with his mother, and even choking a little when she let him go with a teary smile. And now that he was here, the wind blowing through his hair and Mieu's voice grating at his ears, it felt... It was like he was finally free. Free from the oppressing air of the manor, from the thoughts in his head...

He won't want to see you. You're not the real thing - You'll just be a bother to him.

... Well. Not quite free from those. But with a deep breath of the fresh air outside, Luke felt like it was a good, clean start.

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Royal Rappig Walker.

It's not a dignified title. Guy knows it's not a dignified title because of the snickers hidden behind the hands of noblemen and noblewomen he passes on the street, leashes straining in his hands because Nephry can't stop smelling literally everything along the way. He knows he's something of an oddity, of a joke, but when you spend seven years raising an infant in a child's body into a young man, you learn that your ego is by far the most delicate thing about you. You grow a thick skin. You learn how to value what's truly important and you learn to look deeper at things that seem much more simple on the surface.

Some people say that Guy was given this servant's position because he'll never be anything more than a servant. Guy knows it's the emperor trying to make him feel at home, and he appreciates it. It's just that his pets are assholes, kind of, and while Guy doesn't know the first thing about being a nobleman he sort of wishes he didn't have to put on his finest Malkuthian blues to trot a bunch of stupid rappigs around.

Score, does he ever miss Luke.

Luke would make this fun. Luke would make this funny. Luke would yell and complain about how undignified this was or what a waste of time it was, he'd get all huffy on Guy's behalf but then he'd get into it, so into it. He'd put his whole body and heart into taking care of these stupid animals because that's what Luke does, he jumps feet-first into whatever he's doing no matter how much he hates it. Guy always loved that about him, that resolve. That's something he and Asch share. It's something Guy's always lacked.

"I should visit him," Guy says to Jade (the rappig), who is currently taking a dump next to some roses. He sighs and readies himself to clean it up. Unfortunately, visiting Luke right now was out of the question. Tensions were still high between Kimlasca and Malkuth, and having their newly reinstated noble going galavanting over to the capital of enemy territory was apparently considered rude. Letters would have to do for now.

The pets are delivered back to Peony's room in the palace and Guy is dismissed to do other things. Peony doesn't keep him busy all the time, but he does his best to make Guy at least feel like he's necessary and so Guy doesn't often get to wander Grand Chokmah alone. Not many people know what he looks like yet; the name 'Gardios' gets whispered now and then, just because he's the current hot topic for gossip. The Gardios name was big only sixteen years ago after all, so some of the older generations still remember it and all its military glory. Guy tries not to feel too much like an imposter in people's expectations. Pere helps with that.

When he sees a flash of fire red hair down by the docks, Guy almost dismisses it. Redheads are rare in Grand Chokmah but they aren't unheard of, and considering the time of day Guy was thinking about heading over to the bar to see if they'd let him pick up a shift. If there was one thing that could help him get his mind off his troubles it was listening to someone else's.

But then the redhead turns to face his direction and he stops, hands shoved into his pockets, when their eyes meet. "Luke?"

It is. It absolutely is. Guy's heart swells and he already knows he's grinning stupidly, bounding over to the dock steps and taking them two at a time. "Luke! What are you doing here, are you- Did you come alone?"

Thankfully, Malkuth was a little more lenient about Kimlascans (or, rather, Luke, since he's been here before) entering the country than the other. Even if it wasn't, he'd do whatever he could to get into that city and see Guy again. He'd call it "having resolve", while Luke himself would call it being stubborn and hard-headed. Regardless of what it's called, it makes him get into Grand Chokmah with relatively little trouble, which Luke's grateful for.

Still, one thing he definitely notices is how everyone's looking at his hair. Redheads are uncommon, he knows that, and it makes him feel self-conscious, like he should get a hood to cover himself with. He's not really part of that family, right? He's just a fake, an imposter to the royal family. He runs a hand through his hair as if to try to hide it that way, and he's just thinking that he should go ahead and buy himself a hood with the little gald he brought with him now that he's here when he sees, he sees -

"Guy!"

It's Guy. It's Guy, the person he was looking for! In that moment, all the self-deprecating thoughts are brushed away, replaced by something he hadn't felt in a long time: joy. He's grinning stupidly too, and he's half-walking, half-jogging towards Guy.

"I did, I mean, Mieu's here, but - " His arms move up, but they linger, hesitating as the little claws latch at his mind again. Should he even try to hug him? Someone like him -

Edited 2016-01-24 09:17 (UTC)

Guy's gloved hand claps at the back of Luke's neck as he yanks him in for a hug so hard he can hear the whoof of air rushing out of Luke's mouth when their chests collide. Maybe he's holding on a little tight, thumping Luke's back a little hard but Score, Yulia and Lorelei he's so damn relieved. For a few worrying weeks when he didn't receive any letters back from Luke he'd been worried that Luke was separating himself from Guy. Not because he didn't want to see Guy but because, more likely, he'd thought Guy wouldn't want to see him. He was so damn hard on himself sometimes, and as much as Guy had tried to reassure Luke that whatever issues he had with the Duke didn't carry over to him anymore, sometimes he wondered if it actually stuck.

But here he is. Luke had taken the initiative and come to see him.

Guy clutches him for a moment longer before pulling back, though he keeps his hand there at the back of Luke's neck to give him a good look. He's not really pleased with what he sees: bags under Luke's eyes, a certain paleness that comes with not going out much in the sun. Guy frowns and tilts his head. "Luke, are you all right? You look like you've been having a rough time. They're treating you well in Baticul, aren't they?"

Before Luke can even finish his thought, Guy's pulling him in to a hug - a fierce one, like a rough bear hug. His hands stay up more out of shock than anything, face buried in Guy's shoulder and knocked a bit off balance by it all. But he hasn't been hugged like this in so long, and when the surprise of it wears away, Luke finds himself laughing against Guy's shoulder as he returns that hug, squeezing just as tight.

It's over before he wants it to be, but the smile stays on his face while Guy examines him. A smile that fades at first at that observation, only to throw it up again, though it seems more forced than the one from before. No one had noticed that, or maybe they had and didn't bother to point it out. Luke isn't surprised by how he looks, but he hates that it's so easily noticed, especially by Guy.

"Y-Yeah, it's... It's been okay." He glances away and rubs at the back of his neck. What else is he supposed to say? They're scared of me, disgusted by me, and father's been harsher than usual? No. No, that'd just make Guy worried, or mad, or something along those lines. "I'm fine, I really am, I just... uh, I haven't been getting a lot of sleep."

Which is true, but it's only one of the problems he's had back at home, and Luke's always been a terrible liar.

Guy doesn't buy that shit for even one second, but bringing it up won't do any good and will just make Luke even more defensive of it. No, this is better dealt with another way. A strongly-worded letter to House Fabre might be in order. It could be presumptuous but now, an entire kingdom away, Guy has stopped caring about what exactly the Duke thinks of him. Fuck that guy.

In the meantime, Luke is here and Luke is in desperate need of Guy's attention. Not that Guy has any intention of doing anything but doting on Luke for at least the next few days. Secretly hoping that Luke has plans to stay for a while, he grins and slings an arm around his friend's neck. "Well so long as you're here, why don't we head out and get something to eat? I was on my way to the bar to pick up a shift. I can make you something while we're there! I don't know anything about what's been going on with you, I'd love to hear more about it."

Guy's arm is around his shoulders, and it's such a casual display of affection that it makes Luke's heart ache. Normally, he's not one to go clinging to people or ask for a hug or anything, but he'd been starving for something, anything that wasn't just out of obligation, that he sinks in it and welcomes it. His hand raises to hold onto Guy's wrist while barely even realizing it, a subtle request, and... the mention of food just makes him realize that he didn't even eat this morning, didn't have the appetite while on the ferry. He really is pretty hungry...

But. "You sure? Won't I just get in the way?"

It's a shift, after all; Luke's never had a job, but he knew how the knights and maids would get caught up in their own. The last thing he wanted to do was annoy Guy when he only just saw him again after so long, when he'd only just started to think that Guy didn't hate him after all.

It's a good opening for some sincerity that won't chase Luke off. Ever since Akzeriuth he's had this terrible habit of denying people their genuine gratitude and appreciation, simply because it conflicts so hard with how he views himself. Guy would say it's a complete one-eighty from how he behaved before, but in actuality he didn't receive praise well back then either, he just rejected it differently.

Luke wants to be wanted, though. He wants to be appreciated and he wants to be cherished. He just doesn't know how to accept it.

So Guy leans forward, peers carefully at Luke's face until their eyes meet and tells him firmly, "You have never, not once in your life, been in my way. And you never will be."

It's a little serious, maybe; Luke had probably just been asking if it was okay to just chill out at an establishment like that, but Guy means it for that, too. Guy will never go anywhere Luke isn't welcome.

Edited 2017-03-28 05:58 (UTC)

Guy hit the nail on the head right there; even back then, Luke had a hard time accepting genuine praise and appreciation. He might have had an inflated ego back then, but deep down, he was just the same as he is today. He wondered his real worth when people kept expecting him to be someone else, when they'd make fun of him for not knowing something, when they'd keep him out of the loop or treat him differently. It's why he wanted to prove himself so badly, be the hero Van had promised he would be. It was to get away, but it was also to tell himself that he was worth something, that he could go beyond expectations and would never be pushed down again.

And look how that backfired, huh?

But when Guy does that, it's again a little too much. It's a conflicting feeling of feeling valued and that he doesn't deserve something like that, and it makes it too strangely intimate. So Luke blushes out of embarrassment and breaks the eye contact, letting out an annoyed huff while he turns his head away, even while he physically stays close to Guy.

"Ah, shut up already, let's just get going..."

Best to move on and get the topic off of this already.

Edited 2017-03-28 06:14 (UTC)

There he is, cranky and embarrassed. Guy laughs and roughly tousles Luke's hair before shoving him away a bit to give him some space. It's nice to see Luke being a little more himself after the more obvious moments of self-doubt. Of course, Guy didn't expect him to be this down; they'd defeated Van, left the Gate after accomplishing what they'd wanted to do...it's true that self-esteem issues don't go away overnight but Guy had still assumed that would have helped a little bit.

But Luke came all the way here to see him, despite the tensions between Kimlasca and Malkuth. Despite how long a trip it would be, despite Luke having never traveled anywhere by himself before. He must've really wanted to get away from the manor.

"Hey Berthold," Guy greets, waving at the man behind the serving counter downstairs as he and Luke enter the bar. He jerks a thumb at Luke over his shoulder. "I brought a friend; there room for us upstairs?"

Berthold waves them on, clearly used to Guy barging in and asking for shifts and Guy turns to grin at Luke. It's not like the smiles he wore at the manor; while that place was his home for much of his life, he'd never really been able to consider it his, not with that pinned-up banner hanging up over his bed. But this bar, twenty minutes' walk from his manor, this is his. And it shows in how he beckons Luke up the stairs, how he slides behind the bar before gesturing toward a stool in front of him, how he introduces Luke to the regulars already parked in front of the bar.

Luke gives a sheepish smile of his own as he's introduced, his shoulders raising a little, looking very much like some kind of awkward turtle. He's quiet, feeling out of place like some kind of imposter; it's something that hasn't left him ever since he realized what he was. It probably wouldn't be too smart to talk about his home life, but that's about all he knows; he's much more interested in watching Guy.

From the moment Guy greeted Berthold to him sliding easily behind the bar to take up his shift, Luke saw a change. It wasn't a big change, but when you've known someone for your entire life, you tend to notice the little things.

Guy's smile lights up the room the way it never has before. It's the way he gestures, the relaxed way he talks to people, the way he makes everything seem completely easy. This, Luke realizes, is where Guy feels the most at home. He's lively here, feeling pride in something that he could call his own. Luke can see that so easily, and he can honestly say it makes him incredibly happy to see.

Alongside that, though, is the scared and selfish part of him that'll probably never truly go away that whispers that Guy was never that way in the manor - not with him. The difference between him then and now, however, is that he can keep that part of him in check, remind himself of what his father's done to Guy and that he had to work for him with a smile all this time. Being away from that, away from the manor of the ones who killed his family - it must be incredibly freeing.

So he revels in the part of him that's genuinely happy for Guy, and he smiles as he finally speaks up, "Well... Guess that answers my question." After a pause, Luke realizes that probably doesn't make sense, so his smile turns more embarrassed as he amends his statement, "You know, how you're doing and all."

Guy glances over his shoulder in surprise. The kitchen upstairs is much more cramped than the one downstairs, but the fixtures are prettier so Guy prefers cooking here. Besides, he's thrown together Luke's favorite chicken parmesan so often he could do it in his sleep. "Why, am I obvious?"

Part of it (most of it) is because he's seeing Luke again, after all. Sure he loves the bar, and he loves working here and listening to people, and it helps that the Emperor frequents the place so nobody raises a brow at a noble behind the counter but in all other aspects of his life here, there's a lot lacking. Guy doesn't know if he just wasn't built for a life of nobility, or if being raised as he was stripped it out of him. In the end, it doesn't matter.

Guy turns around, sliding the plate in front of Luke and holding out a fork. "If I seem pretty chipper, it's because today's a special occasion."

"What?"

Luke gives a big smile from his favorite, chicken parmesan, being offered right there, but his eyes are wide and questioning, like he just missed something important. He looks torn between digging in and wondering if he should have prepared for something like this, and in the end, he decides between both: He picks up his fork and starts to pile the food on it, but still asks, "Is it some kind of holiday or something?"

"Apparently it's 'cross the world to visit your friend in another country' day," Guy laughs, throwing together a drink for the sailor at the end of the bar. "That is, unless my letters sounded so lonely you got worried. And here I'd thought I was keeping them upbeat."

"O-Oh! Uh..." The statement makes him flustered, both with that feeling of being valued as well as being put on the spot. Those letters... Luke ended up only receiving one. How would Guy react to that? What if he thought Luke was just throwing the others away? Or if he knew the truth - Luke isn't sure he wants another reason for Guy to hate his family.

He ducks his head, cheeks still burning, as he pushes his food around a little. "They... They were fine. I liked them."

At least, he assumes they were fine. He assumes he'd like them. Really, he'd like to know what the rest of them said, but he's not sure if those letters were even kept or thrown out as soon as they got there. He didn't think to ask before he left. Stupid.

"They were fine," Guy repeats incredulously, brows raised, but y'know what? Luke will crack all on his own. He knows Guy is suspicious, and he probably also knows he's gonna dig for answers eventually. No need to press on something that's probably going to happen eventually anyway.

Guy just reaches up to give Luke's shoulder a squeeze. "I'm glad you came to see me." And moves on to another customer to give Luke some space to eat and ruminate.

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